The Awkwardness Advantage

Tactics in Negotiations

Discomfort never dissipates in negotiations. It is either borne by both parties or burdens one party doubly. Unease is a superpower. I think awkwardness may be the only real superpower in many circumstances. Let me show you why.

"Discomfort never dissipates in negotiations. It is either borne by both parties or burdens one party doubly."

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     I once ran for US Congress. My years of cold calling and going door-to-door came in handy. I had done so despite the awkwardness. I had discovered if I could overcome my own unease, it would then put double the unease on the counterparty to escape the situation. 

     And that doubled-on unease is a major advantage.  And that is why, for decades, those methods of marketing have been so effective. 

     So seek out the awkward tension where there is conflict with a weaker counterparty. Say ridiculous things. But do not speak evil. Get them flustered and appalled. Have a little fun when they are serious. Then ignore them.

     Many people are keyboard warriors and hide behind their screens. But in Congressional debates, I was willing to say the tough things face-to-face, which made many uncomfortable. It even cost one of my opponents $15 Million. But it gave me a superpower after the race because I learned to enjoy feeling my poise while seeing their discomforting unease. I developed the superpower to convert a counter-party’s discomfort into my strength. There is a difference between vulnerability and cowardice. One is divine. One is evil. 

"There is a difference between vulnerability and cowardice. One is divine. One is evil."

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     Paul says in Romans that hating evil is the only way to cling to good. The good requires the hate of evil. If you never hate evil, you can never become good. They are mutually-dependant. And a responsible hate requires strategic action. 

"If you never hate evil, you can never become good."

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     Now, let me be very clear: I am speaking about negotiations here. And someone you negotiate with is not an enemy. You do not negotiate with an enemy—you destroy enemies. Then afterward you love them. The tactics herein are for your counterparties who are not your enemies but perhaps are adversarial to what you believe to be good. And an adversary to the good is on the side of evil. And that evil must be thwarted. And that requires your mental fortitude. 

     Paul says again in Romans that “we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance…”

     So, suffering the unease—specifically, the unease you seek out instead of avoid—brings perseverance. Perseverance is a fortitude to withstand the objections, trials, and storms of life, as well as tough negotiations. But you must choose to accept the discomfort, never to avoid it. You must seek it out like a little leaguer swinging a hundred times in practice with the hopes of becoming better for a big game. Seeking discomfort is seeking practice. Seeking practice is resistance training for your mind in the art of fortitude.

     Imagine your future self and ask:

“What if I went to the nearest coffee shop and offered to buy a cup of coffee for every below-average-looking single woman for the next hour?

What if I made a rule to arrive everywhere 5 minutes early so that I could find one piece of clothing on a stranger to compliment and ask where they found it?

What if I could make myself uneasy about something every day, and even when rebuffed, double down on my commitment the next day?”

     Well, you’d be a formidable counterparty. You’d be surprised by how simple-minded your adversaries were when you turned their unease against them without a thought. You’d be the type of person who was both feared and loved. And, according to Machiavelli, the person who is both feared and loved is the most powerful kind of person. 

"the person who is both feared and loved is the most powerful kind of person"

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     Therefore, we must not only become less uncomfortable in our strategic relationships with counterparties, but we must seek maximal discomfort willingly. Then, when maximal unease comes, we must push it off onto the counterparty by ignoring it. Discomfort never dissipates as long as there is an adversarial stance, so your maximal unease doubles onto their shoulders. And that is where they begin to make mistakes. This is where they become slightly fidgety. And that leads to being completely unhinged. And with their mistakes, your adversary begins to wish for a speedy resolution. Eventually, rushing and demanding, especially with claims of victimhood, your adversary now under 200% of the normal pressure, not by their own desire but by yours, accelerates their own strategic defeat by desperately trying different tactics: gossip, slander, demands for guilt and reparations, frantic coalition-building, and finally the moral stance of their own victimhood. In a sense, they hang themselves after the body tremors instead of before. And a body that has been hanged can move for three reasons after they are dead: (1) residual nerve activity, (2) electrical impulses still firing briefly in the spinal cord, and (3) lack of oxygen triggering erratic muscle movement. So ignore that feelings-based nervousness which is the detachment of their mind from their heart, for they are already on the scaffold. Just wait. 

     Then, make one massively ridiculous communication as a landmine and be still. Wait for them to self-destruct. And as you wait while they frantically attack, feel your poise take root. 

     Whatever you do, seed discomfort into your dealings with those opposed to your mission to bring forth goodness. Defeat the evil you see by embracing then deflecting the initial blade of awkwardness. Unsheathe your counterparty’s self-defeat for them, but never do the stabbing.

     Do not worry. Do not fear. 

     Then once they understand they are defeated, come back to forgive, heal, and restore them. Perhaps even love. 

     Cling to the good by hating the evil. For that is the only way. 

 

Rick