Give Honest, Sincere Appreciation – Dale Carnegie
Emerson Walker’s Summary of the Second Chapter of How To Win Friends and Influence People
To be loved is to be seen, and how can one feel seen if it is not expressed to them? Appreciation is crucial to the well-being of people, and it is so longed for that the insufficiency of it can be more damaging than people care to admit.
People have inclinations for necessities like food, water, shelter, and comfort, and what people do not recognize is that appreciation is actually amid these. American philosopher and psychologist William James puts it plainly, how “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”. Amongst the many needs that humans require to be well-balanced in life, constant gratitude is one of the most sufficient and fulfilling needs. Examples of this could be gifts, words of affirmation, and the feeling of inclusion. People typically crave to be included – in the newest trends, within friends groups, in conversation, and even when it comes to money. Examples of this could be when Columbus demanded to be called “Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India” rather than just simply “Captain Christopher Columbus”, or when Victor Hugo requested the city of Paris to be named in his honor. Even boys and girls have a burning desire to join clubs or gangs in order to receive accreditation for the criminal activity that they commit. Nonetheless, people want that inclusion to receive praise for their accomplishments. However, not at all appreciation is for the goal of self-indulgence. People can have a desire to be appreciated without taking it too far, to the point where it becomes unhealthy and selfish. Completely natural and heartfelt appreciation will always be more beneficial to a person’s self-esteem in the end.
" The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated – William James "
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Consequently, though, insanity is a common effect of a lack of appreciation. As author Dale Carnegie states, “Some authorities declare that people may actually go insane in order to find…the feeling of importance that has been denied” (Carnegie 51). Although anyone can experience this “denied importance,” the most notable illustration of it would be women in society. Husbands go months at a time without realizing the workload that their wives have to endure daily, from raising the kids to doing the housework to handling personal affairs. Women in the workforce are constantly underappreciated but if it is truly considered, who healed and saved the lives of soldiers during war? That would be women. Truth is, women do not get enough attention and awareness for the purpose and great things that they bring to the world. So, as a result, women should be receiving just as much recognition as anyone else, because the lack of it is causing them to become insane and even have the urge to run away. Most runaway wives have reported that their reasoning for doing so was a “lack of appreciation.” Generally, people hunger for the feeling of importance so badly that they will go insane if it means attaining it. In conclusion, appreciation is more vital than people realize, and the absence of it has devastating consequences.
Appreciation used excessively or without sincerity is common, too, and is referred to as flattery. Flattery is unhealthy and ultimately self-destructing if overused. Carnegie explains it so: “Flattery is counterfeit…it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else” (Carnegie 57). It may seem, at first glance, that complimenting other people and giving a sense of value should be encouraged; however, when used to fulfill oneself and fill another with false hope, it is never worthwhile. Therefore, considering the motivation for appraising another person is the first step to maintaining a strong relationship, and it eventually will enhance both parties’ self-worth and confidence.
In closing, the act of appreciation is necessary for one to feel loved and secure. Everybody longs to feel appreciated, no matter the extent, so being able to express that gratitude ensures that nobody feels excluded or forsaken.
– Emerson
