Don’t Criticize, Condemn, or Complain – Dale Carnegie Classic Book Summary
Emerson Walker’s Summary of the First Chapter of How To Win Friends and Influence People
The unfair treatment of our peers has become normal in our world. In opposition to this ideal, people must learn to have the ability to accept their faults and mistakes. Otherwise, there will be a vast area for deception and resentment to rapidly form.
In Dale Carnegie’s self-help book, How To Win Friends and Influence People, he discusses how “people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be” (Carnegie 33). Blaming others has become a regular activity in our culture. People are willing to come up with any excuse they can to make themselves look like the good guy, even if it is apparent to them and everyone around them that they are in the wrong. Carnegie explains how even infamous criminals believe they are a “public benefactor” to society, rather than an endangerment. Warped mindsets such as these result in a lack of consequences for people who deserve the cruelty, and unnecessary punishment for the innocent.
Furthermore, rectitude, even in bad situations, can shape our minds to be more uplifting leaders in society. Dale Carnegie states that “any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain…but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving” (Carnegie 42).
" any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain…but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving…(Carnegie) "
Tweet this
An example of a character with integrity and self-control would be President Lincoln during the Civil War. As one can imagine, Lincoln was going through an immensely stressful time in his presidency, but during the Battle of Gettysburg, he pulled through as a worthy leader of our country. When a general in the war let down his guard and made a mistake, Lincoln wrote him a seriously reprimanding letter that would cause tension and hatred between the two if it was mailed. However, Lincoln realized that while it was alright to dwell on the frustration that he was experiencing, it would be inappropriate to mail a letter that would be damaging to both of their reputations. So, Lincoln refrained from sending it. This decision shows how negativity through condemning others is easy to do, but, ultimately, is wrong compared to being compassionate and encouraging, even through hardships.
"I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years (Larned)"
Tweet this
Lastly, placing unattainable standards on people will only cause larger issues, as opposed to expected growth. In the piece Father Forgets by W. Livingston Larned, the father apologizes to his son when he says “‘I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years’” (45). This depicts how a father made a standard for his son that was not reachable. Likewise, people should not be so harsh on each other, for they are just demoralizing them, whether on purpose or not. To combat this behavior, people need to consider their words – what they are saying, how they are saying it, and with what intent in mind. Everyone has different perspectives, which means no two people think the same, so placing unreachable goals on others is destroying them rather than making them stronger and more resilient.
Overall, thinking twice can have a great effect on people, and it can stop the damage caused by impulse decisions. Shifting diction and tone to be more encouraging, as opposed to demeaning, will aid people in being more confident in their self-worth.
Emerson
